Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Game day antics!

Since Pops and I have had to watch the past few games without Soph, I thought I'd try some journaling during the game. It's almost like you're here, Soph!

First Period

-Two irate Flyers fans just in front of the glass leap to their feet to protest a call against, who else, Derian Hatcher. (Me: "We're picking up right where we left off on Sunday!")

-The camera pans to Sidney Crosby and all my eyes can see is the 'stache. Honestly, the kid is all 'stache as far as I can see, and that's sad since his 'stache is comprised of all of five hairs.

-Sid (EDIT: I mean, Ryan Whitney) scores on the ensuing power play and I try not to vomit, as the puck apparently bounced in off of Lasse, Gator, or both. (Why, my faves, WHY?!)

-Pops has dubbed Kris Letang, the "Letang Clan." Ha-ho.

-VS Commentators: "Sidney Crosby, not beloved in Philadelphia..." That may be an understatement there, boys.

-And Ho-Ho-Hossa scores, making it 0-2. We're mere minutes into this game, and it's already proving to be a suckfest!

-The camera shows a lengthy close-up of the VS logo... in case you forgot what channel you had to hunt down in order to watch this game. Believe it or not, this isn't The Surreal Life on VH1... it just seems that bad.

-Giggles and I reached this consensus on Friday: Michel Therrien looks like he should be president of some former Soviet country. I don't know why, but he just does.

-On the 4-on-3: Pops: "Come on Joff!"
Me: "Yeah, do something other than look pretty!"

-WOOO! UMBERGER! In the words of Pops, "Yesss! Now tie this bitch up!" My thoughts exactly.

-The same two guys who were furious over Hatcher's earlier penalty leap to their feet in glee after Gator lays a big hit on someone right in front of the glass.

-Pops remarks, "Carter's got that jump." Let's see if this proves to be prophetic...

-Soph, you'll be pleased to know that the VS commentators were kind enough to point out that Danny Briere's lovely wife Sylvie is better at golf than he is. Why is this news? Danny is so tiny and elfin that this shouldn't be surprising.

-Me (looking at the patches on Pittsburgh's jerseys): "What is the 250 for? I'm gonna say it's not for 250 years in Pittsburgh, just a hunch." (Seriously, what are those patches for? I guess I'll have to look this one up.)

First Intermission

As Soph has pointed out in the past, RJ Umberger bears a (bizzarely) striking resemblance to the Sharks' Ryane Clowe. Henceforth, they should be named RJe Clumbergere. Clumburgere is the first intermission inteview, and I am again reminded of this crazy visual similarity.

YES! Our first viewing of our fave commercial of the playoffs! "The sun is out, the sun is OUT! Come on come on come on come on come on come on, check it out!" I think Pops wants to invest in an enormous King Kong blowup float too. This knowledge should make buying Father's Day presents less daunting for me.

Second Period

-Aww, Randy Jones played the most minutes of any Flyer in the first period. You go, Randy!

-I'm glad to see that Mr. and Mrs. Clumburgere are back in attendance tonight, despite the change of venue.

-Brooks Orpik, I just want to call him "toe pick," as in The Cutting Edge.

-They show the three playoff goal leaders, and Umberger may be the most attractive option. Johan Franzen is freakishly pale (even for me... it doesn't help that he's also a total blondie), and Zetterdouche looks like a serial killer. Umberger, meanwhile, looks like a respectable, if not dopey, chap you could bring home to Mom and Dad without losing him against white walls or watching him be apprehended by the fuzz. So he is the winner in this trio! (I must add that Pops too has taken to the nickname "Zetterdouche"... Margee's talents know no bounds!)

-VS Commentators: "They have to build up the ice a little to withstand all the toe picks." haha! They'll be calling Orpik "Toe-pick" soon enough too!

-Thanks commentators, for repeatedly pouring salt in the open wound that is our injured defense. "And they're without their top defensive pair of Timonen and Coburn..." Really, I had forgotten, thanks for bringing it up again, and again. And again.

-Okay, so Upshall gets all tangled up with Malkin in a questionable knee-to-knee hit and gets sent to the box. I won't dispute the call, it was an assy looking hit on Upshall's part. (And I can't stand him anyway.) HOWEVER, I did enjoy the fans who saw it differently and held up signs saying "9.5" to grade Malkin's "dive." That's a new tactic.

-I'm glad to hear that the "ASS-HOLE!" chant is alive and well after Mike Richards tumbles into the net on a near breakaway.

-Holy bejesus, Coburn's face, um, wow. Holy bejesus. Poor kid.

And that's about it for the second because I had to take a break to eat dinner. Damn you dinner, interfering in my game watching/blogging!

Third Period

-The lovely Chris Simpson chats with Penguins GM Ray Shero, son of Fred Shero, and I can't help but amend the commentators line to "As we walk together forever down memory lane..."

-Two nights in a row, Downie's the goat. 3-1. Shit. And then, the asshole clocks Sykora AFTER the goal. That's classy. I've never been enamored with Downie and this just cinches it.

-Here's a thought: Get it in deep. Please?

-VS Commentators: "And six attackers on for Philadelphia..."
Me and Pops (as the puck squirts back to the Pens' blueline with no Flyers in sight): "Where the hell are they?!"

0-3. Sigh. Why do both of our teams have to get mired in such a hole this year? It's like freakin' deja vu. I really can't stand Pittsburgh now. Young, talented punks.


Soph said...

Aww... Thanks for the post, it's almost like I was there watching the game with you guys! It's just not the same watching the game alone in California...

When I was watching the game, I couldn't help but think that Orpik sounds like it should be a dental hygene tool. Like one of those little things that shoot out a thin stream of water or something.

Jess said...

haha very true! "Excuse me sir, I just have to get my orpik so I can finish your cleaning..."

I wish the game had been better... it was a pretty depressing one to watch/attempt to write about.

kristin said...

Wow! Great game diary!

A few comments:

* Sid's mustache is sooooo scary. When I see it in high def I shudder!

* I think 250 is how old Pittsburgh is. Although that doesn't really seem old enough.

* I like that Pops says "now tie this bitch up." Spoken like a true Philadelphian.

* Malkin's dive was definitely a 9.5.

* I'm glad you could hear the "asshole" chant on TV. It was one of the louder "assholes" I've heard in awhile.

* I hate when pucks go in off of Gator. Ugh.

Do it again for Thursday's game!

Jess said...

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I was going to go back into hiding, but if you guys liked the game diary, then I'll try to do another one tonight! Hopefully, it will be a better game... and we'll see less of Sid's mustache... That thing's going to give me nightmares! Eww!

Soph said...

Yeah! Do it again tonight!!! I'm probably going to miss most of the game with the time difference and the driving back home...

chochotay said...

well now that i'm home and have internet access + time to kill, i decided to catch up on your blog. however, i felt like kevin james in a bakery...yeah, i'll check the girls' blog and... OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT??!!! how long is your blog going to get before we all join hands around the world?...seriously, i turn my back for a minute and you guys have blogged out the wazoo. not that i'm complaining, i continue to enjoy your witty commentary. more power to you both!

chochotay said...

and as a side note...sometimes i get so distracted by other flyers hotties (LUPUL!!!) that i overlook Umberger. but when i see him, i remember how cute he is! Considering my Sharks preferences, the interest is not unwarranted, i just keep forgetting the Clumbergere phenomenon. i know you guys have pointed that out to me before. it is weird, but far be it from me to complain. could we get a Philly Cheechoo???