Wednesday, June 4, 2008

An interesting duet...

Giggle jinx!

Well, since yesterday was a bad night into morning for those of us who have defaulted onto the Red Wings bandwagon, I thought I'd write a little something to cheer us up for game six. I can't fully approve of Phil Collins being a jinx for the last game, but hey, you never know...

(Henrik Zetterberg is driving Pavel Datsyuk to the Joe for game five of the SCF. They pull on to the highway.)

Henrik Zetterberg: “Oooh! Oooh! Carpool lane!” (I have no idea if MI actually HAS a carpool lane, but whatev.)

Zetterberg and Datsyuk: “Carpool lane! Carpool lane! YAY!!!”

Pavel Datsyuk (sighing contentedly): “I just love the carpool lane. I make my wife go everywhere with me, just so I can take the carpool lane!”

Zetterberg: “You’re married? To someone other than me?”

(They exchange an awkward look and then burst out laughing.)

Together: “Giggle jinx!”

Zetterberg: “Now Pav, have you done your affirmations yet today?”

Datsyuk (gasping): “Oh no! I forgot! And I’ve been so much tougher lately too!” (Flexes his arm muscles and kisses them lovingly)

Zetterberg: “Well, go ahead and do them in the mirror by your seat there.”

Datsyuk: “Aww, you always take care of me, Z! You’re unfit to have the last letter in the alphabet ‘cause you’re number one in my heart!”

(They exchange an awkward look and burst out laughing in unison.)

Together: “Giggle jinx!”

Zetterberg: “Whew! My sides are going to be sore from laughing even BEFORE we pick up Jiri Hudler for a change!”

Datsyuk (flipping down his mirror): “I know, seriously! Okay, so time for my affirmations… I am a bad ass. I AM a bad ass. I can hit anyone at anytime. I am a human wrecking ball. A human bulldozer. A human--”

Zetterberg: “Tinker toy?”

Datsyuk (scowling): “No! A human tank, that’s the last one. Whew. I feel SO much better now! Pasha’s gonna kick some serious Penguin booty!”

Zetterberg: “Is ‘booty’ really fitting with your new image, Pasha?”

Datsyuk: “I guess not. Keister? Is that better?”

Zetterberg: “Much.”

Datsyuk: “Good. Okay, should I put on our pump-up music?” (He eagerly reaches over to shove a cassette tape into the car’s player)

Zetterberg (stopping Datsyuk): “Whoa, whoa there. Maybe we should listen to something else for a change.”

Datsyuk (tearing up): “But we ALWAYS listen to Russian opera on game days!”

Zetterberg: “Hey, what about your affirmations? What happened to being one bad ass dude?”

Datsyuk: “Oh yeah!” (glaring) “But we always listen to Metallica on game days, you sissy face!”

Zetterberg (smiling): “That’s better. Well, since we could win our very first Cup tonight, I though we should listen to some different mood music…” (Turns on his CD player and Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” starts to play.)

Zetterberg: “I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Oh Lord” (Datsyuk whispers: “Stanley”). “And I’ve been waiting for this Cup all my life. Oh Lord (Stanley). Can you feel coming in the air tonight? Oh Lord, oh Lord…”

“Well Pens, if you told me you were drowning, it must be ‘cause you love to dive. You’ve seen my face before, my friends, but I’m so much better playing live. I was there, I saw the ‘stache on Sid. I saw it with my own two eyes… So you should feel pretty grim, 3-1 ain’t where you’ve been, but not for a lack of cries!”

Zetterberg and Datsyuk: “I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Oh Lord (Stanley). Well, I’ve been waiting for this Cup all my life. Oh Lord (Stanley)… I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Oh Lord (Stanley). And I’ve been waiting for this Cup all my life. Oh Lord, oh Lord…”

Datsyuk (throwing himself dramatically onto the dashboard): “Well, I REMEMBER! I remember seeing Fleury!” (Zetterberg echoes: “Fleury, Fleury, Fleury…”) “Stopping every shot I sent… It’s the first time and the last time I’m not a scoring threat! Do you know the reason why I keep winning Lady Byng? No surprise to me… ‘Cause I’m the shit even though I don’t hit. Conduct’s no stranger for me and Z!”

(Zetterberg and Datsyuk start drumming away on the dashboard.) “And I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Oh Lord (Stanley). Well, I’ve been waiting for this Cup all my life--”

(Zetterberg’s cell phone starts playing a midi version of “Wake Me up Before You Go-Go,” his ringtone. Zetterberg sighs and turns down the radio while Datsyuk picks up the phone.)

Datsyuk (reading the display): “It’s Hudler.”

Zetterberg: “Bah! Right after the big drum solo! Can you answer it?”

Datsyuk: “Do I have to? I have a feeling this kid’s gonna have a bad game or something…”

UPDATE: We're pretty cool.


kristin said...

I laughed so hard I cried!

Jess said...

Aww, really? I'm glad I could make you have a giggle fit, Kristin!

I've never been that enchanted with Datsyuk and Zetterberg, so the fact that I envisioned their commute to work kind of creeps me out... but if it makes you and Soph laugh, then I'll go with it!

Soph said...

Jess, everyone knows that Datsyuk is a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody (thank you Cool Runnings)!

For cereal though, "As the Ice Melts" makes my day--always.

Jess said...

haha I totally forgot about that from Cool Runnings! That line does describe Pasha to a T...

Soph, what a fabulous picture choice! The visual of their tender embrace is just what this story needed!

Steve said...

I laughed so hard I PEED! I'm a new fan!

Nadine said...

Ladies, I can no longer read your blog at work...people were a bit worried about my mental health as I laughed so hard I was gasping for breath. Don't worry, I check it from Casa Flyers.Femme now.

Thanks for the laughs!

Jess said...

Welcome to our blog, Steve and Nadine! I'm glad everyone can enjoy a a nice duet between D & Z. It's just what this playoff was missing!