Friday, July 18, 2008

The Little Mer-Mike?

Here comes the sun...
(Thanks to Soph for the photoshop magic!)

Since the Flyers lost their captain Gator to free agency madness, everyone's curious who his successor will be... including Mike Richards, apparently.


It’s the offseason, and Mike Richards is attempting to sleep, but he keeps tossing and turning, muttering phrases like, “Captain… The sun… Awesomely responsible boyfriend… CAPTAIN…” This last thought obviously has him freaked out, and he begins to dream of the Flyers locker room. Except that he’s standing in the middle of it, wearing his jersey with a C sewn on it! He realizes this in horror, and when he looks up again, his teammates have cheerfully surrounded him. They begin to sing.

(to the tune of “Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid)

Jeff Carter: “Don’t worry ‘bout being captain, for you it’s a piece of cake. You’re SportSquee’s responsible boyfriend… that was your first big break.”

Mike Knuble and Scott Hartnell (calmly dragging a panicked Richards back into the middle of the locker room): “This decision might confound you, just don’t bolt right out the door! The world revolves around you! Who else could have such allure?!”

All: “Under the C, under the C!”

Kimmo Timonen: “Richie, that letter belongs on your sweater, take it from me!”

All: “Out on the ice, you’d work all day. For twelve years, we want you to stay! We finished voting and know you’ll be doting under the C!”

Simon Gagne: “Okay, so we missed the playoffs, but you freed us from that hole.”

Marty Biron (whispering): “We’d give the C to Hatcher, but you know that he’s a troll…”

Joffrey Lupul and Scottie Upshall (as they scoot up next to Richards and then stand on either side of him): “And you’ve got us for wingmen, and we could never hate. We’ll meet lots more girls now and take them out on dates! Woo-hoo!” (Richards nods approvingly. He’s clearly beginning to warm up to the idea of being captain.)

All: “Under the C, under the C!”

Riley Cote (ripping a telephone book in half in a pre-season rage): “So the Pens beat us, just wait ‘til they meet us eventually!”

John Stevens (sticking his head into the room and holding a clipboard): “You’ll be the star of our playbook, and teams will give you a second look…”

Derian Hatcher: “We’ll have no troubles, and you’ll get more stubble!”

All: “Under the C (under the C)! Under the C (under the C)!”

Stevens: “Since we lost Gator, and you’re a good skater, naturally…”

Kyle McLaren, Milan Michalek, and Christian Ehrhoff (popping out from behind a closed door): “Even us boys in San Jose can see how flawlessly you play!”

Randy Jones: “Our fans have spirit--”

Danny Briere (muttering): “And they’ll let you hear it…”

All: “Under the C!”

The Flyers congregate and lift Richards onto their shoulders and parade him around the room jubilantly. His dream fades out, and he is now able to sleep peacefully in bed, with visions of his captaincy dancing through his head.

4 comments:

K-Mart said...

Oh my god, I love it when you do these. Freaking amazing as usual.

kristin said...

Seriously, I'm just in awe over here.

so funny!

Jess said...

Aww, yay that you guys liked it! I'm glad there are other people who can enjoy our bizarre (-ly amazing?) sense of humor! :)

Nadine said...

Ladies, I am speechless! (Probably 'cause I'm laughing and smiling so hard.)