Monday, April 6, 2009

Slightly Sucky: Walking Together Forever

Last night, after a tough season filled with serious injury and surprising success from first year GM and Head Coach Soph, Slightly Sucky captured the Stanley Cup.

As commissioner of the league, K-mart thanked I Got Zhitnik on My Peca for their outstanding effort throughout the season before congratulating Slightly Sucky for their victory and calling Captain Ray Whitney to come collect his Cup.

FUN FACT: Early in the season, when the captaincy had yet to be bestowed on Whitney, there was a rumor going around the locker room that center Derek Roy was under heavy consideration. The small winger's head expanded exponentially, and he insisted that all of his teammates now refer to him as "Queen D". When he was passed up for the "C", Roy angrily sang Pearl Jam's "Better Man."

As the veteran left winger proudly hoisted up Lord Stanley's Cup for the second time in his career, "We Are the Champions" was abruptly cut off and replaced with "Swagger Like Us" at Soph's request.

David Backes, an Alternate Captain who capped off a stellar season with a four goal night in the Finals, got the Cup next before passing it off to fellow "A" Milan Michalek. Michalek, often called "GM's Pet" for being Soph's favorite, passed the Cup off to the third "A" Kimmo Timonen. Timonen later said that he was "jazzed" to have re-joined the team that originally drafted him.

Timonen let Henrik Sedin finish doing the cabbage patch before handing off the Cup. Sedin then gave the Cup to Joe Thornton, who promptly used it as a mirror to check out his rear end. He was overheard asking Roy, "Does this make my butt look big?"

Vincent Lecavalier, whose season ended earlier this week due to wrist surgery, required some help lifting the cup, so he enlisted former teammate and best friend Brad Richards. Both have had wrist injuries this season, so they each had to use their "good hand" to lift the Cup high.

Soph has already told the press that she intends to petition the League to have Marco Sturm and Lubomir Visnovsky's names added to the Cup. Both Europeans' seasons have been cut short due to injury.

Along with winning the Conn Smythe, Cam Ward also took home the K. Shaw Cup. The K. Shaw Cup is awarded to the player who best played against Kristin and her team Eager to Kick Your Ass. When asked how he felt to win two such major awards, Ward responded by doing a crazy, spastic dance in spandex.

Soph brought out a sizeable chunk of her own hair which she presented to Marty Turco, telling him that it was all the hair she'd pulled out because of him this season.

Jess of the Killer Cupcakes was in attendance at the Cup Ceremony, cheering for her blogmate and BFF, with Swedish boy-toy Nicklas Backstrom and dopey defenseman Marc-Edouard Vlasic. Alex Burrows was going to attend, but Jess has too much hair to feel comfortable bringing a known hair-puller.

K-mart, whose team Beaver Avenue Riot, was eliminated by Slightly Sucky in the semi-finals, stuck around for the celebrations. K-mart came stag, too embarrassed to bring Evgeni Malkin and too frustrated with his lack of production to bring Mike Richards.

Kristin was also in attendance with right winger Alexei Kovalev, who she never removed from the IR since after the All-Star Break. She was seen periodically sticking band-aids on him even at his insistence that he felt fine.

13 comments:

kristin said...

Congratulations! You kicked some serious ass! I love that I get a Cup named after me...Wardo totally deserves to win it because he kicked my ass!

And poor Kmart, too shy to bring Malkin with him!

The sad part is, after my 13 week win streak, I only had two wins after that! How sad. I blame the Habs.

Also, Slightly Sucky is sorta catchier (in my brain) than Slightly Saucy, and I always think Sucky instead of Saucy now. Sorry.

K-Mart said...

Lol that was a great post. Damn straight about my frustration with Richards these past two weeks. He's disappeared completely. I guess next season we're all gunning for you. How will you hold up to the pressure?

Soph said...

Kristin: I'm glad you enjoyed having a cup named after you, it was actually one of the first things I thought of.

Your team was a force to be reckoned with in the first part of the year. I think it might have helped if you had taken Kovalev off the IR...

Aw, well I guess you'll just have to live with Slightly Saucy. I mean, we just got a new banner!

K-mart: I'm glad you enjoyed it. I don't know how I'll manage with all that pressure, the playoffs were stressful enough. I really don't know what I'm going to do now that the fantasy hockey season is over...

K-Mart said...

Start planning for next season! I dunno.

K-Mart said...

Or you could join my fantasy baseball league

Cari said...

and he insisted that all of his teammates now refer to him as "Queen D".

Wait... I can't call my chunker "Princess" anymore?? Well, I suppose "Queen" is more fitting since his life is full of drama...

Jess said...

K-Mart: Fantasy baseball, that's a funny one... After my epic fail at fantasy hockey, I think I need the summer off to prepare for next season! haha

Cari: Oh Derek Roy, when will you not be entertaining?! Oh, and welcome to Slightly Saucy! You Sabres bloggers are hilarious...

K-Mart said...

Jess: I was talking to the champ, obviously! :P

Soph said...

Oh, I dunno, like Jess I would be pretty horrendous at fantasy baseball. Gawd, I think I can only name like 5 baseball players off the top of my head. I think I'll pass on that one, thanks though.

K-Mart said...

Baseball has done more for my life than hockey :D. I took an entire week of school off just to go to game five this past season...

Soph said...

Ha ha, hockey has done more for me than baseball, considering that I've never even been to a baseball game!

K-Mart said...

Ya gotta go to a Phillies game. The experience is great. I love the atmosphere of baseball games. I was visiting a friend in Ohio this weekend, and we were bored Saturday, so we drove to Cleveland just to go to a game lol.

Soph said...

We're going to try see a Phillies game this year. We'll see how that goes.

That's crazy that you guys went to Cleveland for a game. Was it any good?